Elderly parents are often involved in a variety of different antisocial behavior as a side effect to the medication they are taking or as a side effect of their illnesses. Most other issues could be resolved by being able to talk about them in an open and honest way. This abuse can lead to a variety of health problems including: This can be prevented and stopped if the problem is noticed on time and dealt with using the help and knowledge of a professional. Itâs also difficult to do it all over again as is often needed for the elderly. The elderly person often finds themselves with more time on their hands and they find it troubling to fill that time with meaningful activity. They do have a right to manage their own finances, but if they are not competent (or you suspect cognitive decline), it is crucial to tackle this head on. Itâs important for you to be aware of these differences and to know what the reason behind the changed behavior of your parent is. For instance, âI will help you exerciseâ will be a much better way to phrase the same sentiment. Once you notice that an elderly parent is acting irrationally, you should assess the level of damage, possibly with the help of a doctor, and devise a plan to address the problem. When you talk with your elderly parent, and especially so if they are stubborn, you need to structure the planning and the conversation itself to accommodate that fact. You can't ignore it, and yet you get stubborn resistance when you try to talk a parent into getting help. That way, you're prepared to offer a resource immediately before your aging parent has a change of heart and you lose momentum. Talking about the topics that the seniors are familiar with and that they understand is a way for them to relax and to put them at ease. As much as 6 percent of all the elderly whit the age of over 60 have some sort of mental illness or at least whatâs called a diminished mental capacity. How to Communicate With Difficult Seniors and Older Adults Seniors need to feel relevant and respected. I have always loved working with older people, I'm a California girl, born and raised here, with an abiding interest in health issues and particularly, healthy aging. It took quite a lot of patient persuasion to get her to change. Most aging parents know just the right buttons to push to get you going. It can be a dangerous thing to reject since a professional caretaker could do more for them. Thatâs usually a sign of depression or some other mental health issue. All books are available on Amazon.com, © 2020 Forbes Media LLC. Itâs important therefore to be aware that these changes are symptoms of a disease and to treat them as such. This way the parents get to keep their autonomy and you limit potential conflict while having a ⦠The stresses affect you, and they affect me, too. There are a few signs to look for beyond the overall behavioral issues that may lead you to believe that the problem is more serious than just being stubborn and difficult at an old age. This is also one of the emotions that run wild with the elderly who suffer from depression and who have lost a loved one. Thatâs why itâs important to communicate directly and clearly and not to assume anything. Stubborn Aging Parents or Misunderstood? Acknowledge that you still want your parent to be in complete control over the decision about hiring anyone. How to Deal With Stubborn Aging Parentsâ Finances. Some of the exercises you may introduce to them include; daily walks, playing golf, yoga-mediation which is said to be very effective when it comes to enhancing brain power thus instead of their brain shrinking due to the aging that causes cases of memory loss, it instead If your aging parent refuses to admit there is a problem, you can still educate yourself on dementia symptoms, take your parent to see the doctor and plan for what you will do ⦠A very common issue thatâs often mistaken for a mental capacity problem and that should be dealt with separately. Sometimes youâll assume something that you believe to be obvious and simple. You describe it as your problem, not theirs. Distract parents who stubbornly refuses to brush their teeth. Itâs best if those arenât your parents but someone else you’re close to, like a friend or another family member. Secondly, the tolerance to alcohol may be lowered over time as a result of old age and some medical conditions. Likewise, Skype or FaceTime can be used to see and interact with family members that live far away or whose busy lives make it difficult for them to connect. You describe what would make you feel better, like hiring a worker to assist with bathing or grocery shopping, etc. For the most part, this is caused by stress, and the best thing to do when you notice such a mood swing is to acknowledge it and try to remove the root cause of it. Itâs essential that you listen to your parents and that you pay attention to what they are saying. Posted Dec 07, 2014 To them, behaving in a difficult and stubborn manner is a way of maintaining that autonomy. By listening to their fears, desires and needs you may be in a better position to speak to them and reason with them. As your parent ages and deals with changes to his health, you may find yourself dealing with his growing bitterness and negativity. The question, therefore, remains: how do you deal with stubborn aging parents without letting their new reality affect your relationship and without putting them in danger. Try to do without any distractions that will take you away from the main topic or the goal of your conversation. Lots of our friends are going through the same things we are: parents starting to decline in health or alertness, putting time in with all we can do to help out. However, youâll need to remain loving and to remember that they are your parents and that love needs to be the basis of your relationship. Sometimes this can be done in ways that lead to the same outcome even though alternatives are presented. As anyone who has had a conversation like this knows, using a logical approach and pointing out what's wrong with your parent gets you nowhere. You can also seek professional counseling that will help you make the most out of these difficult situations in a way thatâs best for everyone involved. Offer to help research the best places to find a helper and the prices. Knowing the reasons and the processes behind the problem could help you grapple with it in a more engaging way and, thus, be more proactive. This may prove to be more challenging than you may think since the elderly arenât always coherent in their thought or language. Itâs also important to figure out which of their new behaviors, even though annoying, are not really harmful, and which need to be changed since they can be damaging in the long run. When you notice that thereâs a pattern in their bad decision making, you should be alert, since itâs more than just a mistake, itâs a symptom. I know you never would want to be a burden to me. Sometimes thereâs a physical reason for it and thatâs usually after a stroke or another brain-related illness. Sure, they may face additional physical challenges and they may even be stubborn from time-to-time, but that should be the extent of it, right?. Many children feel that the last years that they had with their parents are often colored by this problem. Try not to make too many messes, or clean up after yourself if you do. Sacrificing our sanity for the sake of caregiving is not the best choice. Another problem that may arise due to old age and the increase in this stubborn behavior of an elderly person is that they just won’t see a specialist. That's why our reasonable, logical explanations of what we want them to do fall on deaf ears. Would you consider a way to do that?". We've got 2, 30-something kids and an 94 year old mother in law. At the same time, it can often make you feel like you are being undervalued and that your efforts are in vain. Carrying on a conversation about these difficult subjects can be challenging for an elderly person and therefore you should do it in a setting thatâs suited for it. I need you to help me be less anxious about your walking. Anger is the most common response from an elderly person losing control over their life or portions of it. When youâre not discussing the pressing and difficult issues of medication, doctors, and similarly hard to deal with issues, you should stick to easy and familiar topics. The changes in the behavior of an elderly parent shouldnât be dismissed. This blog is dedicated to you, the one with the aging parent or aging loved one. Feel free to comment! You can also offer to help with the interviewing process. Reaching a decision to seek help is never easy and many children hesitate to do so, often endangering their parents in the process. 1110 Lakeview Drive In most cases, itâs the fear of the unknown and the fear of aging that leads to refusing medical help. Itâs important to note the difference between the two major causes of this problem. Accordingly, then, open yourself up to God, whatever that might mean to you. You should also make sure to ask questions and to get clear responses in order to make sure that an elderly parent understands you. Contact an insurance company to see if long-term care insurance is available to your parents. Itâs the measure taken when their actions become harmful to themselves or others. She taught me so much about life, balance, how to be your own person, and how to savor the moment. This way you will not put as much strain on your relationship. It's about fear, pride, embarrassment and other emotions. I know of a neighbor who fell and was on the floor for three days because no one knew she had fallen. It often means that you need someone to talk to and vent. Many of the problems with stubborn elderly parents are in fact results of diminished mental capacity. That way you can be ready to visit a hospital without having to prepare them for it. This is something that you need to work on and that you need to remind yourself of when things get hard. Awareness is a great place to begin, but if you have toxic parents, what you really want ⦠Sugar Land, Texas 77478. Aging itself will require the parents to adapt and to switch their routine and fear of such changes can lead them to rebel. Itâs also a rather dangerous one and you shouldnât give in no matter what. This is a skill and as is the case with any other skill, youâll get better at it over time. Resentment towards their children is a common emotion amongst the elderly as well. Thatâs something you should implement in your communication and day to day conversations. If they agree to consider something, that is when you suggest the help you had in mind. Make sure youâre patient and that you actually pay attention. This is sometimes difficult to do since the parents will make it hard to adjust and won’t accept new realities, and the kids donât feel the need for compromise when it comes to the well-being of their parents. There are many quotes about caring and dealing with getting older father mother, but the original coping with them heals their depression. If you choose to address this issue, seniors will usually insist there is no problem. Start with being direct and using simple language. Don't forget that a healthy diet and exercise plan are important parts of planning for aging parents' long-term care. Secondly, this will allow you to understand their point of view and get you the information that you need so you know how you can best help them. That will help you avoid confusion and keep everyone safe in the process. In the end, sometimes you may need to ask the services of medical and even legal professionals to help you with changing the circumstances of your parents’ condition. 7. Pick your battles â If your aging parent has a lifelong habit you donât like, and itâs not getting in the way of safety, forget it. It will also be a basis of emotional support for both of you when things get more difficult over time. When dealing with demanding elderly parents, use assertive communication, not aggressive or passive communication. Some of them arenât pleasant for neither the parent nor for anyone in their surroundings. Something as simple as keeping track of which medication to take can be too difficult for an elderly person to grasp. It may be challenging for you to be loving and carrying toward your parents as things get bad and as they become more stubborn, more forgetful, and less of what they have been before. Deep inside, your aging parent probably knows she's not safe by herself all the time. Death Wish: Dealing with A High-Maintenance Aging Parent... and dealing with your guilt for feeling that way. Therefore, the abuse may come from a senior not being able to consume as much alcohol as they once could, and only a drink or two can get them intoxicated. Itâs important to find out how the abuse took place because it will determine how it should be handled. She was a nurse and inspired me to be one, too. Join a caregiver support group to see how other people in your position have coped, or visit a therapist or member of the clergy. Firstly, seniors may start abusing alcohol as a way to fight depression, loneliness, and other mental and psychological problems that they need to fight against. Is your aging parent really difficult? One of the ways to deal with stubborn aging parents is to prepare a protocol in case something goes wrong. Some of them are psychological and others are physical and are often a symptom of a different disease. You describe it as your problem, not theirs. Itâs much worse if the abuse has happened on purpose. Posted Aug 27, 2012 These groups can offer encouragement as well as share resources and ideas to make caregiving easier. And if you fell and got hurt it would be a burden. This is especially so with recent memories, and many elderlies arenât able to remember something that happened during the day but can talk vividly about the events that took place years ago. Be sure to do the chores that are assigned to you. âOnce again, the key is to keep things relaxed and casual. Itâs also how most conflicts start and how most relationships between parents and kids get strained. One of the most common challenges that adult children face is stubborn aging parents. It's in your face. Most of the problems that youâll face when dealing with an aging parent are about communicating with them and explaining the new realities that they will have to confront. Thatâs often the most challenging part as well. There will be a lapse in judgment on the part of your parent and sometimes their day to day reasoning may not be as it once was. Communicate your worries to your parent, and explain how your anxieties will be tempered if he or she follows your advice. 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